No Patience.

Hello Everyone:

I've been having a lovely afternoon just sitting a blogging away.  It's rather nice when that happens.  No interruptions, just sitting and getting my thoughts out.  I applied for a job in New York City with an organization affiliated with the National Trust in the UK.  The National Trust is the UK version of the National Trust for Historic Preservation in the United States.  The position is for a Communication Associate.  The good part is that it marries both historic preservation and writing and it's in New York City.  The bad part, it's in New York City.  What could be so bad about living in New York?  The weather, the cost of living, being away from the bf, that's all.  On that last point, I think that leaving the  bf for a good job would be a smart thing to do.  For that matter leaving Los Angeles for a real job would be a great idea.  The bf hedges entirely too much about our relationship.  Sometimes I'm not sure if he really wants to be with me or just using me for sex.  You know, "friends with benefits" kind of thing.  I wouldn't have a problem with us riding off into the sunset as a cohabiting couple.  What I do have a problem with is the way he always seems to think that conditions have to be "just so" before he can fully engage in life.  I've tried to explain to him, as I'm sure his therapist has too,  that life doesn't work that way.  Yes, right now things are difficult but you can't let that get in the way of being in the moment.  I don't know.  At least I don't know much about anything when it comes to relationships.  I just know what my instincts tell me.  They tell me that the bf makes me happy.  I like spending time with and can definitely see a future for us.  Things aren't "just so" for me either but I try not to let it get in my way of experiencing life.  I wish he could understand that more fully, but I just have to be patient with him.  I'll tell you this relationship is definitely a real test of my patience.  Some days I just want to make wild passionate love to him and other days I want to wrap my hand around his neck and squeeze until his eyeballs pop out (LOL).  I guess that how people are in general.  So we'll see what comes next.