I Am What I Am

Hello Everyone:

I am having a good Wednesday so far.  Mom isn't driving too crazy as usual and I'm trying to the bf some space to deal with life issues at the moment.  He's so caught up with work and moving that it's driving him to distraction.  I decided to lay low for a while and just check in on him every now and then.  I've been consciously avoiding the malls in an effort to maintain some sanity.  The grocery stores are another matter.  I was doing my weekly grocery shopping today and I noticed that the local market was busier than usual.  Of course it has to do with all the pre-holiday food shopping and fortunately everyone was being quite courteous.  I've managed to get a fair amount of writing done so far, which is good.  This way I don't feel like such a slug.  I try to post about three articles per week on my blog historicpca.blogspot.com on architecture, historic preservation, urban planning and design.  I enjoy writing and writing about those subjects.  I find I can more freely express myself.  One of the things about writing a blog is it allows me to reveal a more authentic side of myself.  The words and thoughts you read are how I really feel.  I can do this in writing better than I can orally because there is no emotion.  Let me qualify that, the emotion comes out in the writing instead of some big cathartic scene.  I know some people take on a persona unlike themselves when they start a blog or join the social media.  That doesn't work for me.  I have to be true to myself.  I can't be anyone but myself, I'm that good an actor.  Besides, there's nothing wrong with the real me.  I could never understand why my family is so obsessed with making the right impression all the time.  It's too much work for me to play a role.  I tried doing that in a post-ex, pre-current bf relationship and it felt awful.  I think had I caved into the guy and married him, I would've been miserable and ended up divorcing him.  So grateful I didn't. When I speak to you, it's with total authenticity.  There can be no other way to do this.  Same thing is true on my preservation blog.  My thoughts and words express the real me.