I was feeling a little sorry for myself again today. I was moaning about why I don't get to ride off into the sunset with the handsome prince. Why am I stuck in this miserable existence of mine. I'm not planning on hurting myself, I just want something that looks like a normal life. You know, a job I can moan about, a long term relationship, my own place to live, a little peace of mind. All the stuff that gets taken for granted. I feel like that's such an elusive goal. Why is just so hard for me? It seems like everytime I find a ray of light, it gets rained on. Escaping into a book, a movie, or music works in the moment but I still have to deal with all the crap. All I want from life is security and stability. Is that such an impossible request? I feel like the universe is punishing me all the time. I'm a good enough person to know that you don't steal, kill, or cheat on people. It just bothers me to see people that should be suffering live happily and comfortably while I suffer. Yes, maybe the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and yes, I know what it's fertilized with. Maybe I'm being too judgemental about people. It just eats away at me all the time. I shouldn't let it do that but it just does. Everyday I wake up, thank the Man in white for the gift of life, and try to have a positive outlook. I just end up feeling so defeated. The whole thing with the bf possibly moving away just hurts. Coupled with his non-committal attitude, I feel like I'm going to burst. I wish I had a fairy godmother who could wave a magic wand and my things better. Fairy godmothers only exist in stories. I just wish for happiness.
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