Anxiety Issues.

Hello Everyone:

Yesterday evening I decided to taunt the bf a little by sending him a naughty email.  I described all the things he was missing when we make love and I do mean everything.  Your imaginations can sketch in the details.  I guess I miss him now that he has a job watching an elderly Alzheimer patient.  Also, I'd like him to put more of a priority on our relationship and a reaction to his move closer to his mom. While I think it's fantastic that he's dedicated to his family, I think he just takes to the extreme.  Once we started making love, we crossed over from just being friends to boyfriend/girlfriend.  As I've said, I'm not happy about the current arrangement and talking with him, both on the phone and via email, he's not happy either.  So maybe sending him intimate emails is just my passive aggressive way of getting to him.  It's just so frustrating.  I'm even considering looking for love elsewhere but to start with another person is so draining.  I tend to find most men quite superficial and boring.  Mostly, they tend to be very non-committal.  The bf is none of that, except for the non-committal part.  Sometimes I wish his mom and therapist would just tell, "get a life."  He's mom seems like she can take care of herself and may not be so dependent on the bf.  I don't know whether or not he's hovering over her out a sense of guilt and obligation or trying to avoid confronting his own life.  The bf admitted to having anxiety issues.  We all have some level of anxiety about everything but the question is do you let it rule you or do you face it head on?  I prefer to face my own anxieties square in the face.  I don't like to live myself hiding under the blanket with the drapes and blinds shut.  That's not living life.  I take risks and when I fail, I try to learn from them.  When I succeed, I rejoice.  Any intimate relationship is a big risk.  You risk rejection but it's worth it.  I try to practice some sort of detachment so I don't get too hurt by the rejection.  I don't try to put up obstacles and whatever obstacles are in my way, I try to overcome them.  For the longest time, I had anxiety about making love to him.  You know: body image issues, pregnancy, disease, and so forth.  Once I made the decision to go ahead and make love to the bf, it was so worth it and then some.  It a long time and lots of meditation to make that decision.  I felt I could trust and be completely at ease with him.  I've noticed that he tends to over analyze everything.  While it's could to consider all the possibilities, at some point, you have to come to some conclusion.  Anxiety can be a good thing because it can keep you from acting impulsively.  Too much and it keeps you from living your life.