Trust?

Hi All:

It's a pretty slow Sunday here in Los Angeles.  For those of you celebrating, Feliz Cinco de Mayo.  The weekend has been going pretty slowly, which is good.  I don't have to rush to get stuff done and I can take the time to sit back and enjoy the day.

I want to jump right in and get into the subject of trust.  This is a very huge issue for me because it's something value dearly.  In relationships, trust is an absolute essential.  Non-negotiable.  You have to earn it from by keeping your word and not publicizing things I share without my permission.  I realize that it's not always totally possible to follow these conditions but I do expect some effort.  Unfortunately my trust has been betrayed one too many times by the people closet to me.  That hurts the most.  I people that I should not have be concerned about have gone back on their word, divulged things I've said in confidence, spread rumor, half-truths, lies, and outright exaggerations about me.  This I cannot abide by.  I don't think anyone can abide by this.  The result is a gray pall on the relationship I have with the people closet to me.  I say gray because it connotes something not absolute, an in-between place.  I tend to trust strangers more than I do close relatives and friends because strangers have no history with me of violating my trust.  I'm not totally blameless but I do make an honest effort.  The relationship I'm currently in with the bf is good on the trust issue because he does make an effort not to betray my trust.  I feel fortunate that I found someone who loves me without preconditions, makes me laugh, and I feel totally comfortable around.  People like that are rare but when you find them, grab them and don't let go because when they're gone, they're gone.  Unfortunately, I've been fooled by too many people close to me into trusting them only to be hurt beyond repair.  This has brought on that gray pall over my current relationship but it's more of a light gray rather than a medium or dark gray.  I would really like to re-learn to fully trust those around me again.  It's a slow process, one fraught with suspicion and potential for disaster.  I'm not sure as to how to procede here.  Maybe I should procede carefully, taking one person and situation at a time.  It's slow and sometimes painful but nothing worth the effort in life is ever quick and easy.