Dad

Hello Everyone:

A quiet and routine Wednesday in progress.  The big news is that Los Angeles has a new mayor.  Former council member Eric Garcetti, who represented the Hollywood area, has been elected Mayor of Los Angeles with 54% of the vote.  Ho hum.  Hopefully he won't mess up the city even more than it is already.  He could turn out to be a could mayor but I'm not holding my breath.

Anyway, I got a sad email today from the bf.  His father passed away recently and his mom is having a hard time with it.  Now that the funeral and mourning is over, it's time to deal with, what I call, the nuts and bolts.  It used to be that when a person died, the family divided the possessions, sold off property, and paid the debts.  Not these days.  As I was reading the email, I realized I haven't told you about my dad.  I don't really talk about him except in passing or with my mom.  My dad passed away in 2001 from a heart attack.  His heart attack was caused by years of smoking and alcohol addiction.  It wasn't like I didn't have an inkling that was going to be the likely outcome, it just so sudden.  No one had a chance to say goodbye or anything like that.

What was my dad like?  I guess what I remember most is that he was a descent sort of person who loved his children the best way he knew how.  I guess that's all a parent can do.  He was generous to a fault and never trashed talked anyone.  The memory of his death is entirely too painful because I was going through a very hard time in a relationship I was in and it just felt like everything was caving in on me at once.  Then to make matters worse, I recognized one of the 9/11 victims from a former job.  So mentally, I just blocked out the whole period.  His death precipitated a really hard time in my life.  There just so many things going, the end of a relationship, school, my dad passing that I was just a mess.  Fortunately, I didn't do anything self-destructive but the thoughts were there.  I haven't visited my dad's grave since last June and not before that.  I guess I just don't want to be reminded of it all.  I suppose I just don't want to be reminded of a man who destroyed himself with drinking and smoking.  He refused to get any help whatsoever.  It sad when that happens.  You love someone and want to see healthy and happy.  At the same time, you come to the realization that you can't make someone get help.  Sometimes you have to let them hit their bottom before they realize they need help, even it is death.  It may sound sad and cynical but it's true.  I guess this why I don't talk about my dad much.