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Hello Everyone:

I had to go with mum to the eye clinic today for a follow up to Sunday's trip to the emergency room.  Always the highlight of my week.  I've gotten to the point where I just numb out these appointments and all the drama they generate, some minor, some not so minor.  Regardless, I just tune it out and get through it.  It's the only way I can cope.  I really hate going with mum to her appointments because I feel like it such a drag on my time.  I try to fill the waiting time with something constructive, like reading a book.  Honestly, I'd rather sit in front of my wonder laptop and focus on writing or job search.  Right now, I'm looking to acquire job specific tech skills.  The questions are which would be the right one and a school close to my house.  I emailed the job counselor at the City Hiring Program and hope he can help me.  He's was helpful with my resume revision, let's see if he can do it again.  It's hard to focus on moving forward with mum clinging to me like a drier sheet.  As I said yesterday, I'm trying to reinforce my boundaries but she just tries to push through.  I know she's angry over her state of dependency, but no one can do anything about it.  I can't spend the rest of my life taking care of her.  I finally need a life of my own. Mostly, I just want to leave and never come back.  Even worse, I'm alone.  No one offers to help or if they do help, it's so minimal that it's not even worth the effort.  One person that irritates me the most is one of mum's friends.  She's this extremely upbeat and positive person who just gets on my last nerve.  I've known her for a long time and during the whole time, all she's ever extended to me is a meal invitation.  Not even a frequent invitation.  She's like those girls I knew in high school that would be your best friend to your face before they cut you out of parties.  The funny thing is mum gets upset when I roll my eye at Ms. Cheery or ghost her invitations.  Why would I socialize with someone who could care less if I exist?  Same is true with mum's other friends and sis.  I'm just the person who's just there, to do all the work while they breathe a sigh of relief that it's not them.