Now that I've made mom and sis happy with my planned attendance at the holiday meals next week, I decided to invite the bf to come with me so at least I'll someone to talk to. That's, of course, assuming that the little nephew doesn't monopolize the bf's attention. I think it's great that the bf get along with everyone and everyone likes him. He's certainly far more popular than the ex. I hate to compare the two but, truthfully, it's like night and day. The ex, in short, was an a@&hole. I hate to be that blunt but it's true. No one liked him. So why did I stay with him for a long time? I guess when you're young girl and feeling very unsure of yourself any man giving attention is a good thing, even if it turns bad. I think what took me so long to realize just abusive he was is that I didn't want to be lonely or feel like a failure. I still have those feelings that I messed up the relationship and deserved the abuse. However, the more I'm with the bf and more time I spend writing for myself, more confidence I gain in myself and more I feel I'm worthy of a healthy loving relationship. I think the time I spend alone also helps me to see that I am good enough. I don't need other people to validate my existence. I think this growing confidence enables me to be more present in my relationships and assert myself. I can set and enforce boundaries, hence the decision I made about the holiday meals. I learning to understand just who I am and what I'm capable of. Thus, I feel stronger and happier one day at a time. If the ex ever came back into my life, I would tell him turn around and go away. I want nothing to do with him anymore. That's a good thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment