Out of Ideas

Hello Everyone: I'm feeling a desperate. The money I'm supposed to receive from my late mum hasn't shown up, I owe money to a local grocery store that can't process my order until they get paid, I had to ask Sis for more money, and I have nothing in the way of work coming through. The whole thing is so upsetting that I had to stop blogging and go for a walk just to clear my head. I just emailed the bank to find out what's going on. I expect them to write back saying they need more documents and Sis to say how sad, too bad you're not getting another dime. Honestly, I've given up on ever seeing a penny from mum's bank. They're a big bank and they don't care. It's not so much about the money, it's more about giving me some room to breath and get back on my feet. To make matters worse, my weight is so low that I have to suspend the vegetarian thing and start eating animal protein again. I'm miserable and alone. Mum used to make a big deal out of being part of "the community" and where are they now? "The community" knows I exist and yet never once did anyone extend an invitation. The only time I got invitations is right after mum died and know I believe they more pity invitations than bids for genuine friendship. Times are tough, I get that. One election won't magically make things better. All I want is something to break my way. All I need is something or someone to help me get up. I feel like I don't know what to do anymore. Just before mum died, I said instead of cashing in on whatever money I'm supposed to be the beneficiary of, pack up, and leave, I would stay until the good part. Maybe I was wrong to think that. Maybe it would be better if I took the money and ran. The problem is there's nowhere to go. The Brit BF or NY Auntie? Sure, but first a COVID test and two-week quarantine. I need some direction.