Impersonal

Hello Everyone:

I had a bit of a tantrum this afternoon. Basically I was behaving like a spoiled over a sweater she got me. It’s a nice sweater and it fits well. What upset me was the fact that she intended it as a Chanukah. I point blank told her I prefer cash. Totally ungrateful and selfish. On my way to my workspace I was thinking about the nature of our relationship or lack thereof.  In my mind we barely have a relationship. It’s more like I’m the unpaid help and every now and then, I need some monetary reward for my thankless labors. I thought about the whole moment some more before texting an apology. One of the rare times I apologize.  Moment over, life goes on. I do get very selfish at times. I try not be so petulant but when it comes stuff like presents, I get very uptight. It’s like I any gifts I get  should be of real value. In the past, I’ve the recipient of genuinely lame presents. So I just prefer cash or a gift card. That way, I can just buy what I want. It sounds crass but I just find it easier. Kind of impersonal but I gave on personal a long time ago. What can I say, I don’t want to be disappointed.  I try to make an effort with other people but feel let down when they don’t return it. So I just prefer something less personal