Write about it

I'm going to try to be a bit more diligent about posting on this blog. I find that when I write how I'm feeling, the heat of the moment seems to cool down. It's like when some one goes out and hits a basket full of tennis balls or a punching bag. All the energy of the emotion gets transferred to that act and the person feels better. I know I certainly feel a lot better once I write about it. In twelve-step circles, journalling is a common tool for expressing one's self rather than falling into the same addiction related patterns. Not that I'm in a twelve-step but I've been thinking of rejoining one. Many years ago, I went to a twelve-step group for families of addicts and recovering addicts. It seemed to do some good for awhile, but the recovering addict I was living with was still so mired in his addictions that it made my own recovery extremely difficult. I believe what complicated the issue was that he was using the program and its principles a tool for control and manipulation. On the surface, he made all the pretenses of fully working his program but underneath he was still controlling, manipulative, and verbally abusive. Coupled with this was a parent who was also so consumed by his addiction that he died from it. I know it this comes across as being judgmental but this is strictly my observation so you can take it for what's its worth. What I latched onto in the program was the fact that you, not the addict, is responsible for how you react to the addict. I particularly liked the idea of detachment with love. I took it to mean you react by not reacting yet understand that you're dealing with a sick person who needs compassion. Sometimes this is quite a formidable challenge because the addict can be so out of control that it leaves you no choice but to respond. Sometimes the challenge of living with an addict is so harsh that it leaves scars on the soul. This is where I'm at. Though I haven't lived with the addicts for over ten years, the scars remain. They remind me of their existence on a daily basis. They haven't healed. So this often the source for my frustration and anger at my current situation. So perhaps journalling and meeting with others is a solution to what ails my soul.