Where is the joy and the love?

Today is the Jewish holiday of Purim. It's supposed to be a day to eat, drink, and be merry but it's hard when you're feeling anything but that. The extreme lack of joy in my life comes from feeling stuck, not able to quickly find employment so I can take care of myself and not be dependent on the good graces of others. The extreme lack of love comes from not having a loving and supportive family. The former, I can do something about. I send out CVs (resumes) for employment opportunities I feel comfortably qualified for. The later is a much more difficult task. Obviously, I can't make people change who or what they are, I can only work on myself. To that end, I think I have a way of addressing the issue(s) that would probably help with a lot things. The hold up is finding a moment to escape the microscopic-like gaze of deal old mom. If I tell her I'm going out in the evening, she starts playing twenty questions or trying to engage me in a conversation thus delaying my departure. So, you ask, what is my definition of a loving and supportive relationship. I have ideas about that. First, is a relationship where everyone enjoys being with each other. Second, everyone makes the effort to sustain the relationship. That requires honesty and willingness. It can't be that one person has to do all the work, be willing to share their feelings, be open and the other(s) not. I'm tired of always being the one to take a step forward only to have someone move further back. I get tired of this game and quit. I know you shouldn't quit on people no matter how bad things are but sometimes you just have to let go of a relationship and form a new one. According to my "family" (I use this term lightly), sustaining a relationship revolves around filling a seat at the dinner table and just staring at each other while making polite conversation. Maybe I'm asking way too much or just have a very short attention span but sitting opposite a person at a meal is not enough. I don't mind making polite conversation as long as the conversation flows freely back and forth. Both people have to be willing to listen actively and encourage each other to openly and honestly share their feelings and thoughts. Just talking about yourself all the time is not fun for the listener. Niether is attacking the person you're sitting with for expressing themselves, diverting the conversation off on a self-centered tangent, or offering your opinion or advice without being asked. This has the effect of conveying the message that you're not interested in what they have to say or the person.