I need to blog

I need to blog today because I feel big and clumsy. This feeling emerges about once a week or so from some unknown source. I sometimes wish that I was very petite and move gracefully like some girls. Also, my patience has been a little short in the last twenty-four hours. I spent some quality time with mom yesterday. We had a nice lunch and then after that I felt I was done being sociable and wanted to be left alone. This happens every time I spend a couple hours with family I start to get annoyed with them and want to leave. The situation starts to feel claustrophobic. The chit chat annoys me, my sister's affectations of proper behavior annoy me, my mom's fake cheerfulness annoys, ad nauseum, ad infinitum. You get the picture. I don't hate them per say, I just need my space. So getting back to my statement at the top of the page. I've always felt like a big elephant. I was chubby as a child and about four and half years ago, I lost weight. Funny, when I was fat, never felt big, clumsy, graceless. Now that I'm the appropriate weight for my height and build I feel big and disgusting. What's wrong with this picture? Does this sound normal? I come down too hard on myself for dropping things and stumbling. I start wishing my feet, knees, and elbows were all smaller. This doesn't sound right does it? I was made the way I was made. I can't shrink my joints. I can pay more attention to how I move and be careful but that's it. I don't know, this is something I need to continue to work on.